By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Susan_Hoffman]Susan Hoffman
The grandparent-grandchild relationship is supposed to be a whole and separate one, but there are too many external factors that interfere with that notion. For instance, when parents feel threatened fearing their child will love grandma more than them or that grandma loves the grandchild more than them, then that poses a threat to the relationship. The parent's insecurity can set the wheels in motion for future alienation.
Sometimes it's a miscommunication that leads to a family feud or the death of one of the parents. Circumstances are always changing and affecting family dynamics including the ever fragile grandparent-grandchild relationship.
The parents control the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren, that's just the way things are. As long as grandparents don't rock the boat and remain within those designated boundaries set by the parent(s) the relationship has a better chance of survival, but just remember there are no guarantees.
It seems reasonable to assume that more grandparents today are finding themselves alienated from their extended family. Most try to work out the problems without outside intervention, but after all else fails, then litigation is likely to be the next step.
All fifty states have grandparent visitation laws, that are unique unto themselves. There are some common denominators that many share while others stand far apart. Most states, for instance include as the criteria to file a petition for grandparent visitation, that one of the parents is deceased. The other provision is when the parents are divorced or living separately. Another criteria that is gaining ground is the "stepparent adoption" factor. With so many fractured families, as a result of divorce or wedlock many homes are now blended. Whether it's a re-marriage or first time marriage the stepparent frequently adopts the children, and when this happens there are consequences to the relationship between the child and bio grandparent. About half of the states have statutes that provide grandparents standing in court to file a petition for visitation following a stepparent adoption. If there has been a pre-exisiting bond, the adoption should not cut off that relationship. However, in the remaining states grandparents lose their rights along with the parent whose rights were terminated. There are only a few states that allow grandparents the right to petition the court while the biological parents are together.
What is perplexing is that the parents' marital status is the determining factor in granting visitation and drafting laws.
So why is a grandparent able to get into court when the parents are divorced but not when they are married? Or when there has been a stepparent adoption, a grandparent frequently may file a petition. It's worth mentioning that in reality the stepparent adoption family is no different than the intact family because the stepparent is the new parent. None of this makes sense, the child and the grandparent still have a bond no matter if the parents are apart or together.
It seems that something is amiss when an established bond between a child and a loving grandparent takes a back seat to the marital status of the parents when determining whether the relationship is allowed to continue.
Susan Hoffman is the author of the book, GRAND WISHES: Advocating To Preserve The Grandparent Grandchild Bond, isbn: 978-0-9799168-0-9. The purpose of the book is to raise awareness about the growing social problem of denied grandparent grandchild access as well as a resource for disenfranchised grandparents. Proceeds from the sale of the book will be donated to the non profit organization, Advocates For Grandparent Grandchild Connection, of which Susan Hoffman is the creator and director. http://www.grandparentchildconnect.org
The follow up book, A PRECIOUS BOND, is now available.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Marital-Status-Determines-Grandparent-Access&id=6657333] Marital Status Determines Grandparent Access
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
A Precious Bond: How to Preserve the Grandparent-Grandchild Relationship
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Susan_Hoffman]Susan Hoffman
What is common knowledge is that grandparents are of vital importance to a child's life; what isn't common is that they are sometimes 'unreasonably' ripped away from a child's life by the custodial parent.
It's time for grandparents to put a stop to this social injustice about the way children are treated like property and the role of grandparenthood is no longer honored or respected. Children cannot speak for themselves, so somebody has to. No voice no choice as the saying goes. Children do not get to choose who they may love and their feelings are disregarded when attachments are broken, which could be considered a form of emotional abuse.
It's up to grandparents, then to figure out how to remain connected to grandchildren so the child reaps the benefits of a long and prosperous relationship.
Grandparents may need to take the responsibility to head off problems before they surface but also right the wrongs that have created denied visitation.
Grandparents sometimes need to be educated about what exactly they can do to right the wrongs that threaten the grandparent-grandchild relationship. The first lesson can be a hard pill to swallow because it involves changing their behavior rather than expecting the parents to change theirs.
When grandparents remain focused on their primary purpose which is keeping the grandchild in their life, the changes will come about perhaps with a little less internal conflict that change often brings about. It won't be easy, but things that matter never are.
Below are a few helpful guidelines for grandparents who are confused about which way to turn.
Change your behavior not theirs. The only way to achieve a different outcome is to change your own behavior.
Assume the 'you and me' rather than 'you or me' position. It's much easier to come to an agreement with someone when you are on the same side.
Learn how to go along in order to get along. Presenting oneself as agreeable, rather than aggressive and domineering makes life so much easier for everyone.
Recognize the red flags. Pay attention to subtle behaviors, such as excuses, that have the potential to escalate.
Take action to re-connect. Don't just stand by and do nothing if you find yourself suddenly alienated from your grandchild.
Remain neutral and non-threatening. Don't give advice and keep opinions to yourself.
Remove all expectations. Parents are busy and so are kids, don't expect them to accommodate your schedule, instead be grateful for any time that you are given.
Don't take things personal. When others lash out it really has nothing to do with us.
Adopt preventative measures. Respect parental boundaries and follow their rules which can divert problems before they escalate.
Focus on being happy rather than being right. You will be much happier remaining connected to your grandchild if you lose the need to always be right.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Precious-Bond:-How-to-Preserve-the-Grandparent-Grandchild-Relationship&id=6605052] A Precious Bond: How to Preserve the Grandparent-Grandchild Relationship
What is common knowledge is that grandparents are of vital importance to a child's life; what isn't common is that they are sometimes 'unreasonably' ripped away from a child's life by the custodial parent.
It's time for grandparents to put a stop to this social injustice about the way children are treated like property and the role of grandparenthood is no longer honored or respected. Children cannot speak for themselves, so somebody has to. No voice no choice as the saying goes. Children do not get to choose who they may love and their feelings are disregarded when attachments are broken, which could be considered a form of emotional abuse.
It's up to grandparents, then to figure out how to remain connected to grandchildren so the child reaps the benefits of a long and prosperous relationship.
Grandparents may need to take the responsibility to head off problems before they surface but also right the wrongs that have created denied visitation.
Grandparents sometimes need to be educated about what exactly they can do to right the wrongs that threaten the grandparent-grandchild relationship. The first lesson can be a hard pill to swallow because it involves changing their behavior rather than expecting the parents to change theirs.
When grandparents remain focused on their primary purpose which is keeping the grandchild in their life, the changes will come about perhaps with a little less internal conflict that change often brings about. It won't be easy, but things that matter never are.
Below are a few helpful guidelines for grandparents who are confused about which way to turn.
Change your behavior not theirs. The only way to achieve a different outcome is to change your own behavior.
Assume the 'you and me' rather than 'you or me' position. It's much easier to come to an agreement with someone when you are on the same side.
Learn how to go along in order to get along. Presenting oneself as agreeable, rather than aggressive and domineering makes life so much easier for everyone.
Recognize the red flags. Pay attention to subtle behaviors, such as excuses, that have the potential to escalate.
Take action to re-connect. Don't just stand by and do nothing if you find yourself suddenly alienated from your grandchild.
Remain neutral and non-threatening. Don't give advice and keep opinions to yourself.
Remove all expectations. Parents are busy and so are kids, don't expect them to accommodate your schedule, instead be grateful for any time that you are given.
Don't take things personal. When others lash out it really has nothing to do with us.
Adopt preventative measures. Respect parental boundaries and follow their rules which can divert problems before they escalate.
Focus on being happy rather than being right. You will be much happier remaining connected to your grandchild if you lose the need to always be right.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Precious-Bond:-How-to-Preserve-the-Grandparent-Grandchild-Relationship&id=6605052] A Precious Bond: How to Preserve the Grandparent-Grandchild Relationship
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
How To Be Smart About Your Grandparents Rights
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Charles_N_Taft]Charles N Taft
The way we approach our Grandparents Rights will probably be even more important than the rights themselves. Depending on the circumstances the "sneak up on the grandparents rights approach" is, in my opinion, the best way to maximize our chances of being with our grandchildren. If you make being right your main objective the outcome may be far less effective, especially for the grandchildren. My best friend once ask me "How much do you want to pay to be right?", now that is a good question. Actually, when it comes to Grandparent rights I think it is an excellent question.
My past three years of research in preparation to write my book brought me to the realization that there is not and won't be a definitive answer to the all the questions that are raised when it comes to families in crisis.
Between what has been written in The Constitution, the Supreme Court decision (Troxel v.Granville, June, 2000), and the variations in state by state laws that try to address these issues, there is little hope that anything like clear and decisive law will emerge in the coming century. It will be progress just to get some clarifications that will actually help our grandchildren, but unfortunately, they will come slow and hard state by state.
It would be fair for you to ask why I say that. There was an attempt by a congressional committee to try to form a unified federal law having to do with Grandparents Rights. The issue had so many challenges that the committee dissolved with no solution. Having read the 10 feasibility questions facing the committee I have a better understanding of just how complicated all of this is. I want to be clear, just because it is complicated that does NOT mean we shouldn't try. We should and must keep fighting for Grandparents rights in every state in the land. What I am saying is that in the mean time there may be a better way to get the results we want.
This brings us to the Smart part of Grandparenting. I wish to approach this idea not with Do's and Don'ts but rather by posing questions we should ask ourselves each time we pick up the phone or walk in the door of the home of our grandchildren.
Who is the most important person in the triangle of Grandchild-Grandparent-Parent?
Is the past more important than the present?
To repeat; How much do you want to pay to be right?
What is your goal in this relationship? "The main thing is to keep the main thing, the main thing".
Who's best interest is this all about?
rel=nofollow [http://www.caringgrandparents.com/uncategorized/some-of-why-i-wrote-my-book-no-greater-loss]What do you know about your Grandparents Rights?
Please, please consider each of these questions EVERY time you have interaction with your grandkids and their parent(s). You would be amazed at the misunderstandings that occur from an even well intentioned, mis-placed question or comment that given some sensitivity could have been posed differently or not at all.
My hope for each of you is Great-Grandparenting
I am a 67 year old proud grandpa that has taken up the mantle of making everything about "the well being of the grandchildren". I write a blog, http://www.CaringGrandparents.com as a way of communicating the power and influence that we can have with our grandkids, hopefully, in concert with their parents. This is not about taking away but about adding to the parents rights and responsibility to raise loving and lovable children. The objective is more love for all, especially the children.
There are some sad and tragic stories out there. So I challenge all of us to be part of the solution. With the divorce rate havering around 50% a divided family unit is a possibility, we need to learn how we can help rather than hinder this process should this happen in our family.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?How-To-Be-Smart-About-Your-Grandparents-Rights&id=6684659] How To Be Smart About Your Grandparents Rights
The way we approach our Grandparents Rights will probably be even more important than the rights themselves. Depending on the circumstances the "sneak up on the grandparents rights approach" is, in my opinion, the best way to maximize our chances of being with our grandchildren. If you make being right your main objective the outcome may be far less effective, especially for the grandchildren. My best friend once ask me "How much do you want to pay to be right?", now that is a good question. Actually, when it comes to Grandparent rights I think it is an excellent question.
My past three years of research in preparation to write my book brought me to the realization that there is not and won't be a definitive answer to the all the questions that are raised when it comes to families in crisis.
Between what has been written in The Constitution, the Supreme Court decision (Troxel v.Granville, June, 2000), and the variations in state by state laws that try to address these issues, there is little hope that anything like clear and decisive law will emerge in the coming century. It will be progress just to get some clarifications that will actually help our grandchildren, but unfortunately, they will come slow and hard state by state.
It would be fair for you to ask why I say that. There was an attempt by a congressional committee to try to form a unified federal law having to do with Grandparents Rights. The issue had so many challenges that the committee dissolved with no solution. Having read the 10 feasibility questions facing the committee I have a better understanding of just how complicated all of this is. I want to be clear, just because it is complicated that does NOT mean we shouldn't try. We should and must keep fighting for Grandparents rights in every state in the land. What I am saying is that in the mean time there may be a better way to get the results we want.
This brings us to the Smart part of Grandparenting. I wish to approach this idea not with Do's and Don'ts but rather by posing questions we should ask ourselves each time we pick up the phone or walk in the door of the home of our grandchildren.
Who is the most important person in the triangle of Grandchild-Grandparent-Parent?
Is the past more important than the present?
To repeat; How much do you want to pay to be right?
What is your goal in this relationship? "The main thing is to keep the main thing, the main thing".
Who's best interest is this all about?
rel=nofollow [http://www.caringgrandparents.com/uncategorized/some-of-why-i-wrote-my-book-no-greater-loss]What do you know about your Grandparents Rights?
Please, please consider each of these questions EVERY time you have interaction with your grandkids and their parent(s). You would be amazed at the misunderstandings that occur from an even well intentioned, mis-placed question or comment that given some sensitivity could have been posed differently or not at all.
My hope for each of you is Great-Grandparenting
I am a 67 year old proud grandpa that has taken up the mantle of making everything about "the well being of the grandchildren". I write a blog, http://www.CaringGrandparents.com as a way of communicating the power and influence that we can have with our grandkids, hopefully, in concert with their parents. This is not about taking away but about adding to the parents rights and responsibility to raise loving and lovable children. The objective is more love for all, especially the children.
There are some sad and tragic stories out there. So I challenge all of us to be part of the solution. With the divorce rate havering around 50% a divided family unit is a possibility, we need to learn how we can help rather than hinder this process should this happen in our family.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?How-To-Be-Smart-About-Your-Grandparents-Rights&id=6684659] How To Be Smart About Your Grandparents Rights
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Keeping Grandchildren Occupied at Christmas
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Dirk_Grover]Dirk Grover
Christmas may be the wrong time of the year for garden activities but that need not stop a little innovation to see what can be done indoors. Whilst the swings and other activities that are suitable for the garden cannot be emulated inside the house there are nevertheless various challenges to be faced by children visiting their grandfather over the holiday.
The simplest that we use is the plank of wood propped on its side and wedged in the door to give a challenge of balancing on its edge. It is important to realise that the leverage you can apply to the door can damage the hinges but with a sensible amount of pressure a plank can be made secure enough to bear the weight of a child. The difficulty can be increased by raising one end on some books to add a slope to the balancing act.
Whilst dealing with the door our push of unequals contest can be used to test grandfather's strength against junior's. Since junior can have the advantage of leverage by pushing the door shut at the handle end, grandfather must be handicapped by pushing nearer the hinge. It makes the contest more equal and there need be no subterfuge by pretending to be weaker than junior.
Our tug of unequals is also simply implemented in the home. By using pulleys and attaching one end to the door handle a form of tug of war ensues. It is advisable to make the pull at right angles to the handle since it offers a stronger fixture against the pull of the rope. The danger of pulling the screws out with a straight pull is averted. Needless to say we make sure the handle is firmly fixed.
The seesaw is another activity that is possible indoors. We have drilled a plank so that it can take fixtures such as a small pole at its centre and this can be rested on a two piles of (old) books or the rungs of a chair. Other possibilities will doubtless occur to the reader.
Since many of our activities are designed to be hung from a tree or roof of a car port they are not suitable for use indoors. Little challenges for toddlers nevertheless can be constructed simply. Our wobbly walk is easy since it only involves plank of wood and a cushion or two. The same applies to the tiplank which can be implemented with one of the old books used for the seesaw. Your grandchildren will enjoy devising other ways of using simple objects to occupy themselves.
Dirk is a father of 3 and a grandfather of 5. He has been devising various ways of using simple equipment to amuse children and save money into the bargain.
His web site is [http://www.gardenplayground.info]http://www.gardenplayground.info.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Keeping-Grandchildren-Occupied-at-Christmas&id=6731834] Keeping Grandchildren Occupied at Christmas
Christmas may be the wrong time of the year for garden activities but that need not stop a little innovation to see what can be done indoors. Whilst the swings and other activities that are suitable for the garden cannot be emulated inside the house there are nevertheless various challenges to be faced by children visiting their grandfather over the holiday.
The simplest that we use is the plank of wood propped on its side and wedged in the door to give a challenge of balancing on its edge. It is important to realise that the leverage you can apply to the door can damage the hinges but with a sensible amount of pressure a plank can be made secure enough to bear the weight of a child. The difficulty can be increased by raising one end on some books to add a slope to the balancing act.
Whilst dealing with the door our push of unequals contest can be used to test grandfather's strength against junior's. Since junior can have the advantage of leverage by pushing the door shut at the handle end, grandfather must be handicapped by pushing nearer the hinge. It makes the contest more equal and there need be no subterfuge by pretending to be weaker than junior.
Our tug of unequals is also simply implemented in the home. By using pulleys and attaching one end to the door handle a form of tug of war ensues. It is advisable to make the pull at right angles to the handle since it offers a stronger fixture against the pull of the rope. The danger of pulling the screws out with a straight pull is averted. Needless to say we make sure the handle is firmly fixed.
The seesaw is another activity that is possible indoors. We have drilled a plank so that it can take fixtures such as a small pole at its centre and this can be rested on a two piles of (old) books or the rungs of a chair. Other possibilities will doubtless occur to the reader.
Since many of our activities are designed to be hung from a tree or roof of a car port they are not suitable for use indoors. Little challenges for toddlers nevertheless can be constructed simply. Our wobbly walk is easy since it only involves plank of wood and a cushion or two. The same applies to the tiplank which can be implemented with one of the old books used for the seesaw. Your grandchildren will enjoy devising other ways of using simple objects to occupy themselves.
Dirk is a father of 3 and a grandfather of 5. He has been devising various ways of using simple equipment to amuse children and save money into the bargain.
His web site is [http://www.gardenplayground.info]http://www.gardenplayground.info.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Keeping-Grandchildren-Occupied-at-Christmas&id=6731834] Keeping Grandchildren Occupied at Christmas
Friday, December 23, 2011
How Many Ways Can You Use Snow to Occupy Your Grandchildren?
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Dirk_Grover]Dirk Grover
We are preparing for the visit of our grandchildren over Christmas by devising physical activities they can enjoy if it snows. I have to confess a certain interest in this since these methods are designed to use up their energy out of doors rather than running madly around the house. In the summer they can use the various games we have devised in the garden using common objects like a plank of wood, rope and poles or even old car tyres. the problem is that most of these need to be in the garden rather than in the house when the weather is bad.
Snow is of course a boon for skiing or tobogganing if you have a suitable slope. Talking of slopes our grandson expects to be pulled up the slope after he has tobogganed down it. It does get quite tiring and as we get older we would like to take it a bit easier. Our tug of unequals suggested the answer. By using a pulley and tying the end of a tow rope to a tree we could halve the effort required to pull him up the slope. This meant that our other children could do the job equally well. Of course they had to walk twice as far but I am in favour of youngsters using up their energy in constructive ways.
Since it is quite a walk to the nearest suitable slope we have turned our attention to devising winter activities in the garden. Our obstacle course involving planks of wood and aerial runways has been turned into a winter version requiring surmounting mounds of snow and the gulleys between them. The slide can be mounted on a mound of snow to give the slope required and an aerial runway can carry them over the mounds we clear from the path.
The reader may realise that there is a hidden benefit for us since we expect our grandchildren to help prepare these activities and if this involves clearing the snow from the path then we have a ready supply of snow we cab use in the construction.
I have been wondering whether we can use the old car tyres in some way. One thought is to mount several on top of each other which can be filled with snow to give the basis of a snowman. If we tamp down the snow inside perhaps we could then remove the tyres one at a time and leave a column of compact snow for our snowman, we will have to report on this later!
Dirk is a father of 3 and a grandfather of 5. He has been devising various ways of using simple equipment to amuse children and save money into the bargain. His web site is http://www.gardenplayground.info
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?How-Many-Ways-Can-You-Use-Snow-to-Occupy-Your-Grandchildren?&id=6731823] How Many Ways Can You Use Snow to Occupy Your Grandchildren?
We are preparing for the visit of our grandchildren over Christmas by devising physical activities they can enjoy if it snows. I have to confess a certain interest in this since these methods are designed to use up their energy out of doors rather than running madly around the house. In the summer they can use the various games we have devised in the garden using common objects like a plank of wood, rope and poles or even old car tyres. the problem is that most of these need to be in the garden rather than in the house when the weather is bad.
Snow is of course a boon for skiing or tobogganing if you have a suitable slope. Talking of slopes our grandson expects to be pulled up the slope after he has tobogganed down it. It does get quite tiring and as we get older we would like to take it a bit easier. Our tug of unequals suggested the answer. By using a pulley and tying the end of a tow rope to a tree we could halve the effort required to pull him up the slope. This meant that our other children could do the job equally well. Of course they had to walk twice as far but I am in favour of youngsters using up their energy in constructive ways.
Since it is quite a walk to the nearest suitable slope we have turned our attention to devising winter activities in the garden. Our obstacle course involving planks of wood and aerial runways has been turned into a winter version requiring surmounting mounds of snow and the gulleys between them. The slide can be mounted on a mound of snow to give the slope required and an aerial runway can carry them over the mounds we clear from the path.
The reader may realise that there is a hidden benefit for us since we expect our grandchildren to help prepare these activities and if this involves clearing the snow from the path then we have a ready supply of snow we cab use in the construction.
I have been wondering whether we can use the old car tyres in some way. One thought is to mount several on top of each other which can be filled with snow to give the basis of a snowman. If we tamp down the snow inside perhaps we could then remove the tyres one at a time and leave a column of compact snow for our snowman, we will have to report on this later!
Dirk is a father of 3 and a grandfather of 5. He has been devising various ways of using simple equipment to amuse children and save money into the bargain. His web site is http://www.gardenplayground.info
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?How-Many-Ways-Can-You-Use-Snow-to-Occupy-Your-Grandchildren?&id=6731823] How Many Ways Can You Use Snow to Occupy Your Grandchildren?
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Grandparents Can Help Blended Families Create A Good Mix During The Holidays
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Sunie_Levin]Sunie Levin
"You can't tell me what to do," Josh smugly announced. "You are not my real grandfather." Art, his step grandfather, was hurt and shocked and furious. But he kept his cool. He thought he and his wife got along well with his daughter-in-law's children from a previous marriage." But he didn't. He nearly bit his tongue in two to keep from saying what he wanted to say. Instead, he suggested to his daughter-in-law that Josh and he have a talk about grand children and grandparents and what the entire situation meant for all of them.
Family life for many has been altered by divorce, interfaith marriage and separation by distance. Get togethers and holidays rarely prove joyful times as depicted by the Brady's on T.V. More often, as families blend, it produces stress all around. It can be difficult for children in a new family especially when they have been comfortable with rituals and customs that were repeated year after year in their in their former home.
Stepbrothers and stepsisters are strangers, at the beginning. It takes time for them to get to know each other, and everyone is touchy. Rivalry between children of the two families is always either open or lurking below the surface. everyone keeps score, and some feel they are losing.
The very rituals that each family brings along with them can become an exciting experience. Here's where grandparents can come in, big time. Grandparents, obviously aren't the parents, so they have a different status, a different aura. They can help in the melding process by exploring the different family traditions and pointing out how great they are and by exploring the different family traditions and pointing out how great they are by having two different sets it enhances the holiday experience for everybody.
When there are two different religious cultures involved clearly this can be a minefield, but grandparents can, if they are of a mind to, help the kids see the good points of each faith and that the religions are not adversaries, but rather complementary.
Clearly, it's important to learn what the parents feel and how they would prefer to deal with the holiday season. Perhaps they would prefer that gifts for one set of kids be wrapped in Christmas paper and Hanukkah wrappings for the other set.
So, specifically, what can you do as a grandparent? In addition to being caring and insightful, here are a few thought--small things, perhaps, but very useful to start building new traditions for the blended family:
1. Bake Christmas and Hanukkah cookies, decorating them colored sugars and candies
2. Begin a scrapbook for the new blended family with baby pictures of each child and keep it updated with added snapshots.
3. Each child shares a favorite recipe and provide copies for everyone
4. Sing holiday songs that are special to each family can become an annual tradition
5. Playing games can be a fun and bonding experience
6. Making holiday decorations that can be put up in the house or on the tree
7. Be extremely mindful of equity in giving gifts for children: believe me they notice
8. Have them join in gathering toys and food to help families in need
Grandparents usually are especially good at story telling. of story telling. Share what it was like at holiday time when you were young. Encourage each child to share a story of what they enjoyed most for holidays. You don't have to do things a certain way although it should be some combination of old traditions with new. Be particularly sensitive to anyone for whom this may be their first holiday together. Be patient. It takes time for the new blended situation to have the feel of one single family. Grandparents can be extremely helpful in the process, but they need to be mindful of the sensitivities of the situation. With luck, it won't be all that long before rude Josh starts calling you 'Gramps.
Sunie Levin holds degrees in psychology and education. She has lectured and held workshops around the country, appeared on national T.V. and radio. Her books on grand parenting, as well as Make New Friends Live Longer are available at amazon.com and http://www.makenewfriendslivelonger.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Grandparents-Can-Help-Blended-Families-Create-A-Good-Mix-During-The-Holidays&id=6752214] Grandparents Can Help Blended Families Create A Good Mix During The Holidays
"You can't tell me what to do," Josh smugly announced. "You are not my real grandfather." Art, his step grandfather, was hurt and shocked and furious. But he kept his cool. He thought he and his wife got along well with his daughter-in-law's children from a previous marriage." But he didn't. He nearly bit his tongue in two to keep from saying what he wanted to say. Instead, he suggested to his daughter-in-law that Josh and he have a talk about grand children and grandparents and what the entire situation meant for all of them.
Family life for many has been altered by divorce, interfaith marriage and separation by distance. Get togethers and holidays rarely prove joyful times as depicted by the Brady's on T.V. More often, as families blend, it produces stress all around. It can be difficult for children in a new family especially when they have been comfortable with rituals and customs that were repeated year after year in their in their former home.
Stepbrothers and stepsisters are strangers, at the beginning. It takes time for them to get to know each other, and everyone is touchy. Rivalry between children of the two families is always either open or lurking below the surface. everyone keeps score, and some feel they are losing.
The very rituals that each family brings along with them can become an exciting experience. Here's where grandparents can come in, big time. Grandparents, obviously aren't the parents, so they have a different status, a different aura. They can help in the melding process by exploring the different family traditions and pointing out how great they are and by exploring the different family traditions and pointing out how great they are by having two different sets it enhances the holiday experience for everybody.
When there are two different religious cultures involved clearly this can be a minefield, but grandparents can, if they are of a mind to, help the kids see the good points of each faith and that the religions are not adversaries, but rather complementary.
Clearly, it's important to learn what the parents feel and how they would prefer to deal with the holiday season. Perhaps they would prefer that gifts for one set of kids be wrapped in Christmas paper and Hanukkah wrappings for the other set.
So, specifically, what can you do as a grandparent? In addition to being caring and insightful, here are a few thought--small things, perhaps, but very useful to start building new traditions for the blended family:
1. Bake Christmas and Hanukkah cookies, decorating them colored sugars and candies
2. Begin a scrapbook for the new blended family with baby pictures of each child and keep it updated with added snapshots.
3. Each child shares a favorite recipe and provide copies for everyone
4. Sing holiday songs that are special to each family can become an annual tradition
5. Playing games can be a fun and bonding experience
6. Making holiday decorations that can be put up in the house or on the tree
7. Be extremely mindful of equity in giving gifts for children: believe me they notice
8. Have them join in gathering toys and food to help families in need
Grandparents usually are especially good at story telling. of story telling. Share what it was like at holiday time when you were young. Encourage each child to share a story of what they enjoyed most for holidays. You don't have to do things a certain way although it should be some combination of old traditions with new. Be particularly sensitive to anyone for whom this may be their first holiday together. Be patient. It takes time for the new blended situation to have the feel of one single family. Grandparents can be extremely helpful in the process, but they need to be mindful of the sensitivities of the situation. With luck, it won't be all that long before rude Josh starts calling you 'Gramps.
Sunie Levin holds degrees in psychology and education. She has lectured and held workshops around the country, appeared on national T.V. and radio. Her books on grand parenting, as well as Make New Friends Live Longer are available at amazon.com and http://www.makenewfriendslivelonger.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Grandparents-Can-Help-Blended-Families-Create-A-Good-Mix-During-The-Holidays&id=6752214] Grandparents Can Help Blended Families Create A Good Mix During The Holidays
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